She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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