So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize