i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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