Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
