it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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