Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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