Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
