i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Randomize
