I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
