We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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