she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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