Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
