Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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