Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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