I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
