I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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