This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
