last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
