No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
