We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize