I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
