Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
