and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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