In the future we'll all be gay
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize