Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
