but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize