Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
