he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
