Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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