Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
