the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
