Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
