shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
