I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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