yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
