Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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