How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
