I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize