ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
