The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
