At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
