I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
