Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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