That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
and you fell through a lawn chair
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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