i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
