dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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