How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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