im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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