I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
This is the high leading the old right now
You have to summon your inner elephant
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
