Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
