I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
