he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
