he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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