All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
