Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i love accidental penises.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
