just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So much Jack, so little girl.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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