my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
